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If He Insists That You Work...
By Sarah Tanner
Once, when asked about her life, former First Lady Barbara Bush said, "I married well."
Is it wrong to want to marry well? Ladies, it's all about survival - and it's all about what you will be able to do for your children. Marry well, and you will never have to fear the basic survival issues, such as illness and unemployment - threats that single women (especially single mothers) have to face every day.
Mother always said, "You can just as easily love a rich man as a poor man." Mother was right.
But what makes a man rich? Richness comes in many forms. Another word for riches is "abundance." Life can be abundant in many ways. A relationship can be abundant in love, in trust, in affection, in fun, and in respect. Marrying your best friend is a sure way to an abundant emotional life.
What is it about wealth and abundance that make these things so appealing to so many of us? Take the time to think about this before you proceed on your journey to find a wealthy mate.
Abundance means security.
We have security when we no longer have to worry how we will get the money for our basic needs and wants.
We have security when our life is not dependent upon having and keeping a job - especially not a job we dread going to every day.
We have security when there is more than enough money to take care of us, now and in the future.
We have security when we know that our children will not have to live in impoverished neighborhoods and be exposed to bad influences.
It is not wrong to want to have money. It is not wrong to want to marry someone with money. Nor is it unusual, whether you are rich or not, to want to marry someone who is financially secure.
However, there are hidden riches in marrying many men whom you might otherwise overlook. If you marry a man who gives you the freedom of choice as to whether you work or not, you have in essence just become a millionaire, even if your husband earns $30,000 per year!
"Do the math": if you marry at age 30, you may be married for 40 years. 40 years x $30,000 per year = $1,200,000 - money that is being earned for you while you are busy raising a family and nurturing your life together. A husband who doesn't insist that you work automatically makes you a millionaire!! You don't have to be "rich" - to be rich!!
But what is happening today? Young women report all the time that guys are bringing this subject up on the first date! Before the cappucino is cold, these men are telling women that any wife of theirs should expect to help bring home the bacon, even after they have children!
What is a guy like this really telling you?
He is saying loud and clear that to him, marriage is like a business. If he takes on a partner, he expects to earn twice as much.
He is saying that the quality of life for his children is secondary to making sure there is extra money in his bank account.
He is saying that he wants to keep buying his "toys" more than he wants a wonderful, cozy life with his beloved wife and children!
Run, do not walk!
You are far better off remaining single than marrying a man who views marriage and family in this light. Keep searching until you find the man who truly understands the meaning of marriage and family.
These men are out there!!
Where can you find a man who wants a traditional family life, with whom you can raise beautiful children who have the best of both parents while growing up (instead of spending most of their time in school and daycare with thrown-together frozen meals and an exhausted mom and dad)?
The best place to find a man like this is in a church or synagogue. And the best place to find churches with the most eligible men is in a larger city. However, you don't have to move. You can meet men in reputable Christian or Jewish online dating services.
Have you seen the women who work full-time at demanding jobs while at the same time raising babies, toddlers, or school-aged children? These women are stretched to the max. They spend from morning till night working both at their jobs and then at home taking care of their families.
If you should be so blessed as to find or to already have a man in your life who genuinely wants you to have the freedom to stay home and take care of your family, you must never take him for granted. If you are fortunate enough to marry a man who encourages you to stay home after your children are born, you must do your part to make it worthwhile for him! How can you do that? There are four important ways:
No yelling - no nagging - ever. On the contrary - build up your husband in every way you can.
Stay attractive and stay in shape. The best way to do that is to keep exercising.
Keep your home neat, uncluttered, and beautiful. It doesn't have to be fancy to be beautiful. Less is more.
And finally, never, and I mean never, get over your head in debt. If you need extra cash, find ways to make money. The old saying is true: where there is a will, there is a way!
Sarah Tanner writes about relationships and wealth. Visit her website,
http://www.marriageandwealth.com.
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/ |
| How to Improve Relationships with Feng Shui
Remedies
By Steven M. Ng
In order to improve relationships, many people have increasingly turned to Feng Shui remedies hoping to find a solution for their woes.
The Feng Shui used in this article is the Eight Mansion (Pa-Kua) School under the Xuan Kong System.
SLEEPING POSITION
The easiest thing you can do to activate your personal relationships is to sleep with your head pointing towards your Nien Yin (Personal Relationship) direction. For couples, it is recommended that you sleep in a bedroom located in the female's Nien Yin corner of the house, while you sleep with both your heads pointing towards the male's Nien Yin direction.
In addition, be careful not to sleep under any overhead beams, as doing so is said to put pressure on your love life.
FENG SHUI FIGURINE PLACEMENT
Another method to activate your Nien Yin corner and improve relationships is to place Feng Shui remedies and figurines in your Nien Yin corner. You can place these figurines in the Nien Yin corner of your bedroom, house or even your office.
The most popular of the relationship-enhancing Feng Shui remedies is the humble mandarin duck. Mandarin ducks mate for life and will die of loneliness if separated from their chosen mate. These qualities are the best reflection of true love, and will reflect on those who use mandarin ducks in their Nien Yin corners.
Besides the mandarin duck, another remedy that can improve relationships is the rose quartz crystal. Rose quartz, also popularly known as the "love stone", is ideal for love and relationships due to its ability to stimulate passion, energy and confidence. These crystals should also be placed in the Nien Yin corner of your room or house.
CARRY FENG SHUI WITH YOU
You can also carry these relationship-healing properties with you wherever you go by either wearing mandarin duck or rose quartz necklaces, or by placing such tokens in your wallet or handbag.
BAZI ANALYSIS
If you are interested in looking at other methods to improve relationships and marriages, you might want to consider using the BaZi techniques.
BaZi (pronounced Par Zhee) is not related to normal Feng Shui remedies. It is a form of Chinese astrology and divination, and is able to plot the course of your life using your birthdate.
Using BaZi, your strengths and weaknesses can be revealed, and you will know when your luck and prosperity cycles will peak and drop, including those crucial "clashing" points when significant changes will occur in your life. You can also find out your compatibility and relationship with your family as well as potential spouses.
There are various aspects of your life that can be analyzed using BaZi, including health, financial prosperity and relationships. For relationships, you can read more about the BaZi Relationship Analysis Report and use the information provided in the report to improve relationships and create long-lasting love.
Steven maintains the Mandarin Duck Feng Shui website at
http://www.mandarin-ducks.com.
It provides information on how mandarin ducks are able to help improve relationships using Feng Shui principles.
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/
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7 Power Skills that Build Strong Relationships
By Steve Brunkhorst
A strong, healthy relationship is one in which the partners show respect and kindness toward each other. The relationship forms a rewarding and enduring bond of trust and support. Here are seven power skills that will help you form stronger alliances and bring more closeness, authenticity and trust to your relationships.
1. Relax Optimistically
If you are comfortable around others, they will feel comfortable around you. If you appear nervous, others will sense it and withdraw. If you are meeting someone for the first time, brighten up as if you've rediscovered a long-lost friend. A smile will always be the most powerful builder of rapport. Communicating with relaxed optimism, energy and enthusiasm will provide a strong foundation for lasting relationships.
2. Listen Deeply
Powerful listening goes beyond hearing words and messages; it connects us emotionally with our communication partner. Listen to what the person is not saying as well as to what he or she is saying. Focus intently and listen to the messages conveyed behind and between words.
Listen also with your eyes and heart. Notice facial expressions and body postures, but see beneath the surface of visible behaviors. Feel the range of emotions conveyed by tone of voice and rhythm of speech. Discern what the person wants you to hear and also what they want you to feel.
3. Feel Empathetically
Empathy is the foundation of good two-way communication. Being empathetic is seeing from another person's perspective regardless of your opinion or belief. Treat their mistakes as you would want them to treat your mistakes. Let the individual know that you are concerned with the mistake, and that you still respect them as a person. Share their excitement in times of victory, and offer encouragement in times of difficulty. Genuine feelings of empathy will strengthen the bond of trust.
4. Respond Carefully
Choose emotions and words wisely. Measure your emotions according to the person's moods and needs. Words can build or destroy trust. They differ in shades of meaning, intensity, and impact. What did you learn when listening deeply to the other individual? Reflect your interpretation of the person's message back to them. Validate your understanding of their message.
Compliment the person for the wisdom and insights they've shared with you. This shows appreciation and encourages further dialogs with the individual. A response can be encouraging or discouraging. If you consider in advance the impact of your emotions and words, you will create a positive impact on your relationships.
5. Synchronize Cooperatively
When people synchronize their watches, they insure that their individual actions will occur on time to produce an intended outcome. Relationships require ongoing cooperative action to survive and thrive.
As relationships mature, the needs and values of the individuals and relationship will change. Career relationships will require the flexibility to meet changing schedules and new project goals. Cooperative actions provide synchrony and build trusting alliances. They are part of the give and take that empowers strong, enduring relationships.
6. Act Authentically
Acting authentically means acting with integrity. It means living in harmony with your values. Be yourself when you are with someone else. Drop acts that create false appearances and false security.
When you act authentically, you are honest with yourself and others. You say what you will do, and do what you say. Ask for what you want in all areas of your relationships. Be clear about what you will tolerate. Find out what your relationship partners want also. Being authentic creates mutual trust and respect.
7. Acknowledge Generously
Look for and accentuate the positive qualities in others. Humbly acknowledge the difference that people make to your life. Validate them by expressing your appreciation for their life and their contributions. If you let someone know that they are valuable and special, they will not forget you. Showing gratitude and encouragement by words and actions will strengthen the bonds of any relationship.
Don't forget to acknowledge your most important relationship: the relationship with yourself. Acknowledge your own qualities, and put those qualities into action. You cannot form a stronger relationship with others than you have with yourself. You will attract the qualities in others that are already within you.
Ask yourself: What thoughts and behaviors will attract the kind of relationships I desire? What is one action I could take today that would empower my current relationships?
Write down all the qualities or behaviors that you desire for your relationships. Select the power skills that will attract those qualities. Keep a journal of the actions you take and the progress you make. By turning these skills into lifelong habits, you will build relationships that are healthy, strong and mutually rewarding.
© Copyright 2005 by Steve Brunkhorst. Steve is a professional life success coach, motivational author, and the editor of Achieve! 60-Second Nuggets of Inspiration, a popular mini-zine bringing great stories, motivational nuggets, and inspiring thoughts to help you achieve more in your career and personal life. Get the next issue by visiting
http://www.AchieveEzine.com
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/ |
Wow, Grandma Is Dating!
By Allie Ochs
Wow, Grandma Is Dating!
When Lena, 52, began dating, her son, Paul, joined the same dating site. Together, mother and son set out to find love. Lena’s family was concerned for her. After 30 years of marriage, she was very vulnerable. What did she know about dating or sexually transmitted diseases? Lena knew one thing: love does not have a best-before date.
Lena is one of many fiery over 50 dames with lots of life. The idea of dating put a sparkle into her eyes. After a few unproductive “let’s meet for coffee” dates, she struck gold! Ryan, whom she met in her doctor’s waiting room, was everything she hoped for. A widower without children, Ryan was like a breath of fresh air. He put romance and zest into her life. They fell madly in love and lived happily ever after.
This is a dating dream come true for most older, single women. Today, dating over 50 is just as common as dating at a younger age. However, there are profound differences in life circumstances and experiences.
Unfortunately, not all dating adventures of older singles have happy endings. Dating at a mature age comes with baggage. Ex wives, stepchildren, step-grandchildren, in-laws, lifestyles or commitments, just to name a few. This baggage prevents many singles from creating close relationships. Yet, there are good news for all mature singles, who have not found their “one and only”:
As a mature person you have qualities such patience, integrity, and wisdom and are much better equipped for relationship success than the younger generation. Use exactly those qualities to find love and avoid silly dating etiquettes. While dating can be fun and highly entertaining, for most singles over 50 it is about finding a life-mate. Regardless of your relationship history, love can last the second time around. Just trust your instinct and follow these common sense tips:
BE TRUTHFUL about yourself. Naturally you want to paint your very best picture, but the key to finding a compatible love is being authentic instead of pretending. Being real may not guarantee a huge number of dates, but at this stage in your life it is about quality, not quantity. You are mature and don’t need a black book filled with admirers.
RESPECT that a first date is like a fishing trip. Both parties want to determine if there is enough interest for a second date. Be on time and be interested in your date. Share your likes and dislikes openly. By all means give each other a chance, but if you are not interested, make it easy to call the quits. Treat your date the way you would want to be treated.
This begs the question as to when a relationship begins. You have graduated from the coffee shop to seeing a movie. He wined and dinned you and now invites you to a barbeque with friends. While this is not a marriage proposal, it is nevertheless personal. No red flags have popped up yet and you accept the invitation. This has the potential for a relationship. Now is the time to get to know him instead of looking over the shoulder for other suitors. Here is why: often relationships between dating singles never develop because they are occupied with multiple dates. Sleeping with multiple dates is morally irresponsible to each one. Be as responsible as you would be to your best friend, because he may be that some day.
3. Authenticity: Love only happens when you are real
Have you ever found yourself laughing simply because everyone else did?
Told someone had a fabulous time when you didn’t or said: “I love you” when you didn’t mean it? Did you ever do something inconsistent with your true self just to please someone or get what you wanted? Of course we all have. We have lost the bravery to be real! For many there is quite a gap between the person inside and the person we present to the world. In the competitive world of dating misrepresentation is at an all time high.
If you seek love, forget about how to make him fall in love with you. Forget about Mars and Venus, in the real world we are all human beings first, men and women second. Most singles over 50 want to love and belong. Wear what makes you feel like a million dollar babe, not what you think impresses him. While you are not to disclose your sexual history on a first date, be straightforward on topics that you are comfortable with. Say what you mean and mean what you say. Be authentic and be honest! Don’t waste your precious time pretending to be what you are not. You may not land many second dates, but at this stage it is about quality, not quantity. Love only happens when you are real.
These three universal principles are no-fail dating concepts that keep you sane and on the road to love. To boost your dating success, Ivana Trump is adding a bonus for all the fabulous and mature women. In her new TV show she introduces older women to younger men. Sounds like the Demi Moore style of dating is gaining popularity. With quite a few older men dating much younger women, Ivana is orchestrating a balancing act. Love has no boundaries, is ageless and keeps you young. Maybe Ivana’s reality show will get you in the groove.
© 2004 Allie Ochs, relationship expert, coach, speaker and the author of “Are You Fit To Love?” ISBN 0-9720227-9-1. Her articles are published in numerous magazines and newsletters. Visit her website at
www.fit2love.com
Allie Ochs is a speaker, relationship coach and author of: Are You Fit To Love? Her book has received the honorable mention at the USA 2004 Best Book Awards. She has appeared on TV, Radio and is published in numerous magazines and newsletters. Visit her website
http://www.fit2love.com
and take the Fit 2 Love test.
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/
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Being A Friend Through A Divorce
By Kim Dziobak
We used to joke amongst the couples we are close to, "who would get custody of the friends in a divorce". We are a very close group of friends that met in college around 20 years ago, and have remained close through many of life’s changes and transitions. Never did we think that our joke would have to eventually be addressed.
The day that my best friend told me that her marriage was in trouble was devastating. Here was a couple that we shared our lives with. Her husband and mine had been roommates the same year that she and I lived together in college. We stood up in each others weddings. We were godparents for one of their boys, they godparents to our son. He helped us build our house. We spent weekends together, holidays, birthdays.
Suddenly all that was going to come to an end and I had to think quickly about how I would find balance between two people that I cared about. Through some trial and error, here are some of the things I learned about being a friend to divorcing friends.
A. Listen. It is sometimes very, very difficult, but key. You are not going to solve your friend’s problems, only they can. Allowing your friends to talk about their feelings, or talk through the situation, helps them to start the process of healing. Remember too that as a listener, sometimes the less said the better. Silence can be one of the strongest coach/counseling tools you have in your arsenal. More healing can be done in the silent times than in the talking. Let there be silence when there isn’t anything to say. It is really ok.
B. Focus on the person that you are talking to, not the spouse. My friend couldn’t change her husband’s behavior, but she could change how she was responding to him, or how she internalized the things that he said. These were things she could control and growth she could make. Beating him up behind his back will only go so far in making her feel good.
C. Don’t play favorites. This was the hardest thing for me and continues to be. My best friend was hurt terribly and I instinctively wanted to protect her and validate her. Though I wouldn’t often bad mouth him to her, I would do it to my husband, which made things within our relationship stressful. Even though this divorce was the result of some bad decision making on the part of my friends husband, he was still someone she had devoted her life to for ten years, the father of their children and my husband’s friend. I needed to always keep that in mind. If you have to rant and rave
negative ness, it is best to find a third party or write in your journal.
D. Make sure that you do things with your friend that takes his/her mind off their miseries.
If you always get together and just talk about the divorce, soon you will get burned out and your friendship will start to struggle. You need to continue to groom the things that made your friendship strong before the marital problems started. Not to mention that your friend is probably eating, sleeping, living the divorce 24/7 and some time off from that will give them a renewed attitude and help them to see that there will continue to be life after their divorce.
E. Find ways to continue traditions and make new ones. My friend and I started to get together for our kids to make gingerbread houses at Christmas time before her divorce began. We still do this and have expanded the day to included going out to cut our Christmas tress and exchange gifts. Even though we know that traditions help to normalize things for kids, they can do the same things for adults and again be a reminder that your friends and family are important.
Divorce is a stressful and difficult time for both the couple and their friends. It is not unusual to hear that friends felt inclined to choose one person or the other because the divorce made things uncomfortable. With a little hard work and commitment, friendships can continue to grow, flourish, develop, and be
successful. Article Source:
http://EzineArticles.com/
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